Q: Why do so many people take an instant dislike to me?
A: It saves time.

Q: Why did Frosty go to live in the middle of the ocean?
A: Because snow man is an island.

Q: Why do Jewish Mothers make such good parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence.

Q. Why do cats hate flying saucers?
A. Because they can't reach the milk.

Q: What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
A: Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

Q: Why is it a bad idea to drive off a cliff in a mini with four parking meter wardens in it?
A: You could cram at least two more in.

Q: What's the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman?
A: The car salesman knows when he's lying to you.

Q: What is the difference between a french horn section and a '57 Chevy?
A: You can tune a '57 Chevy.

Q: How do you double the value of a Lada Estate?
A: Fill it with petrol!

Q: What do fishermen and hypochondriacs have in common?
A: They don't really have to catch anything to be happy.

Q: What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds?
A: Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.

Q: Why did the litter of communist kittens become capitalists?
A: Because they finally opened their eyes.

Q: Why is Windsor Castle better than Joan of Arc?
A: Windsor Castle burns longer.

Q. How do you sink a polish battleship?
A. Put it in water.

Q: Why is the french horn a divine instrument?
A: Because a man blows in it, but only God knows what comes out of it.  

Q: How do you keep a simpleton in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)