What a family!
My baby sister is called Tuesday. When she was born Dad took one look at her and said, "Let's call it a day."
My father is so mean he sneaked onto the roof one Christmas, fired his shotgun, then told us that Santa Claus had committed suicide.
My sister is so dumb she spent hours studying for her blood test -- and failed.
His brother is just as mean. He broke into a neighbour's flat to gas himself.
My other uncle was so lazy he married a pregnant woman.
My little brother failed his history test. He thought that Joan of Arc was Noah's wife. He hates history. He says that he should have been born in the Tudor period: there was less history to study then.
Daft Aunt Mabel sent me a £10 cheque for my birthday, but didn't sign it because she didn't want me to know who had sent it.
My granny went on the pill because she didn't want to have any more grandchildren.
We paid a genealogist £500 to trace our family tree, and another £2000 to keep it quiet.